Freedom. The meaning we are taught is the foil to the true form of the word. It is to be liberated from another man’s view, yet it is other men who tell us what freedom means. And it was my quest for faux freedom that led me to the true meaning of the word.

The cloudless night sky was bereft of the moon, lit up by the flickering lampposts. I could hear the echo of my hammering footsteps as I raced down an alley. A dull roar followed; the sound of the men behind me. The ones who don’t exist. My fedora had succumbed to the midnight winds long ago, lost in a gutter a few blocks back. The frigid air froze my knuckles in place, numbing them to the sensation of the revolver. My nerves were too busy focusing on the burning pain in the back of my calf to worry about my hands, anyways. The stream of blood that trailed my path ensured that the ghosts who followed me would not lose my scent. I already know how this chase would conclude, it was simply up to me to pick the milieu of the dénouement.

Red brick ahead of me signaled the end of my escape, quite literally. Before I could turn to face death, opportunity presented itself. Even with certain death before me, my mortal coil still urged on the most basic instinct it knew: Survival. Diving to the right, my hands gripped the solid ladder of a fire escape. Normally these devices were raised to prevent break-ins. It appeared a stranger’s apathy would save my life tonight. Still, the wraiths who blazed my trail held their fire. A display of gunfire at this hour would surely draw attention, the last thing they wanted. I shot up the ladder, all four appendages scurrying vertically. My mind was plagued with the old children’s rhyme. “The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout…”

I surmounted this obstacle, pushing my worn body up to the rickety iron stairs. The ladder shook as my pursuants followed my lead. No time to rest yet. Grabbing the rail, I pulled myself up. My legs gave out for a moment, out of energy and adrenaline. “Go!” I mutely shouted to them. Obeying, they moved with a surprising alacrity, propelling me up the emergency exit two steps at a time. Every other footfall brought a screaming pain to my nervous system, commanding the remnants of my mind to cease. That was not an option now, though. My selections were fight or flight, and fight hadn’t ended in my favor once tonight. Barely conscious, I nearly toppled over the rail on the first turn. The blunt guardrail smashed into my chest, waking me up with a new wave of pain. Bounding away, I continued up the rickety staircase, nearly collapsing from exhaustion when I reached the top. The phantoms silently trekked under me, every movement clean and free of fatigue.

I looked up to the heavens, the gutter of the roof just out of reach. Bending down, a fresh stream of blood shot from my lower leg. Undeterred, my body leapt up, hands grabbing the metal just above me. The edge of the drain cut into my hands, digging deeper as I pulled my hollow shell up. I rolled over onto my back and stared at the faint stars in the distance. My misty breath lingered in the air above my face, floating up to the firmament. Gloved fingers grabbed the edge of the roof just next to my head. The fingers in my left hand suddenly found themselves without a gun. Most likely I dropped it when trying to mount the ladder I conquered years ago. This was the end.

No.

A reserve of energy I never knew existed blasted through my veins. Its power was absolute and indefinable. My mind no longer had a say in what happened. At this moment, my body knew what was best for itself, even while my brain swam in a pool of its own ennui. I found myself vertical once more, and though my ears were deaf to my footsteps, I knew my carcass was on the move. The ledge stood a mere twenty feet from me, but I did not slow down. A sudden stream of bullets cut through the still air, an unknown number passing by me. I knew what was going to happen now. It was just at my fingertips. Lust for liberty made me shrug off the projectiles that embedded themselves in my back, piercing every part of me except my heart. I found the final step I took to be the most sure thing of my life.

“Free…dom.” The word slipped through my chapped lips. Now, there was nothing. I fell headfirst, unrestricted from all. Velocity ripped tears out of my eyes as I freefell into abandon. This was the true meaning of the word. Unhindered by not only the choices of other, but by the selfish devices of my own mind. Was it the face of death that brought on this epiphany? No, death is a guarantee for every man. It was something else. Something completely different. And just as my psyche deciphered the true meaning of autonomy, it realized that the pavement was frighteningly close.